2013 HOMESTUCK Patron Troll Calculator

(Please reblog this if you want to support this method!)

((And no this isn’t the “add digits of DOB together.” That method is flawed because Rose/Dave are switched. This method is based on the magical properties of WHITE SCIENCE!))

Hi, I’m Zules and I have devised a Homestuck Patron Troll calculator. Automatically calculate yours HERE or read more for a description of the method.

We all know that John, Rose, Dave, and Jade’s patron trolls don’t match up with their astrological zodiacs, so why should ours?

This new way to calculate patron trolls still relies on birth dates, but it uses a different formula, AND John/Rose/Dave/Jade’s birthdays all generate their correct, canon patron troll!

First, take your [MONTH OF BIRTH)] and call it M. Now take your [DAY OF BIRTH] and call it D. (Omg chill guys. Not that kind of D lol.)

If D contains EITHER the digits 1 OR 8, you are on team PROSPIT. (Explanation: 1 is the center number of the all-important 413, and 8 is 4+1+3.)

If no 1s or 8s are to be seen in D, you are on team DERSE.

Now subtract ( M - D ) and call the result N. If N is a negative number or is 0, add 12 to it and make a new N. Still negative or 0? Add 12 again. Still? +12.

Now, if you’re on team PROSPIT, subtract ( N - 7 ) and call the result X. (Explanation: if you take the first 2 numbers of the hivebent 612 and look at them negatively like this “-6-1” you get “-7”.)

If you’re on team DERSE, subtract ( N - 2 ) and call the result X. (Explanation: The last number of the hivebent 612.)

If X is a negative number or is 0, add 12 to it and make a new X. Still negative or 0? Add 12 again.

X is your Patron Troll!!!

1 - Aradia
2 - Tavros
3 - Sollux
4 - Karkat
5 - Nepeta
6 - Kanaya
7 - Terezi
8 - Vriska
9 - Equius
10 - Gamzee
11 - Eridan
12 - Feferi

Results should be VERY evenly distributed.

Example: My birthday is Sept. 17, so…
Team PROSPIT
9 - 17 = -8
-8 + 12 = 4
4 - 7 = -3
-3 + 12 = 9
9 = Equius!!

Like I said earlier, please reblog with appropriate tags if you enjoyed this method! I only have about 2 Homestuck followers and I want this to get out there. (:

And please send me a polite ask if you think I’ve made a mistake somewhere.

Enjoy!!!

P.S. BIG thank you to Grogert331 for helping me test this method out. Yay =D